4 Lies Leaders tell themselves

Leadership is influence. But in order to influence others we have to have relationship with them.

Many leaders fail at leadership, not because of lack of skill, intelligence, or some other ability, but because of lack of building true relationships.

Here are four lies that leaders tell themselves about their relationships with team members, colleagues, and other close to them, and why they fail in their leadership journey.

1. We say we have relationship, but we walk alone in our leadership journey. When we fall we have no one to help us up. We should heed Proverbs 27:17.

2. We say we have done nothing wrong to others, but wonder why some people don’t get along with us, trust us, nor feel comfortable discussing problems with us. 

3. We say we know others, but probably don’t even know the names of the spouses of some of  our team members.

4. We say we care for our employees, but our actions say otherwise. We don’t approve that last minute personal time off request from a team member to attend a child’s school function.

What are other lies that leaders tell themselves?

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13 Responses to 4 Lies Leaders tell themselves

  1. Tom Dixon says:

    You are exactly right – those four things will help you lead from a position of influence versus position only. A leader who can only rely on his position to get others on board usually can’t make it work over the long haul. Great post!

  2. tcavey says:

    We all tell ourselves lies to help justify our actions/motives. It eases our guilt over having to make tough decisions at times.
    I’m currently reading “Love Works” by Joel Manby, it’s a really good book based off 1 Cor 13.

  3. Dan Black says:

    Number 4 is so essential. Our people really have an impact on the company and the way the leader leads them shows through our people to the customers, in either a good or bad way. Great thoughts bro!

  4. I think a lot of the lies aren’t even lies we tell to other people, but lies we tell to ourselves.

  5. TJ Trent says:


    Number four hit home. In the Army NCOs (Noncommissioned Officers) live by the NCO creed. In the second paragraph are the words “My two basic responsibilities will always be uppermost in my mind the accomplishment of my mission and the welfare of my Soldiers.”

    Accomplishing our missions and taking care of our teams occurs in tandem. It is a synchronous process. My team serves on the personal staff of a very senior leader in the Army. One of our key players is a single mother of two. If at all possible, I always make an effort for her to attend various events with her kids. OUr hours are long and hectic and in the end I fill the team will reap the benefits.

  6. Being honest and real is the key to a true leader. Too many times I have been lead by leaders who talked the talk but don’t walk the walk. No one follows leaders who lead like that. Great thoughts Juan!

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